Wednesday, February 29, 2012


Commons are finally over after what seemed like a million years, heehee. Anyway. Mmmmh, rather upset about today's papers. I think I messed up my calculations for physics = i am sooo upset because I knew how to do the questions, they weren't hard. Oh gosh )': & Lit, i was so disappointed with myself because sarcasm was staring right in my face and I just didn't write it down because I don't know how to.

How dumb can I get.

Anyway A Math results were good, E Math alright but I honestly could've done better, I think I invested too much time into my Chem and therefore did not bother much for E Math harharhar. Anyway. Chem was satisfactory, even though I lost all 5 marks in my paper to careless. How dumb. SS was a miracle like srsly yay hope I did Ms Koh proud because I really cannot be bothered with SS. Yup.

I anticipate the rest of my results to reflect rather badly on my progress in Sec 4 however. But wow, I've been Sec 4 for 2 whole months. Let us review. I think Sec 4 has been a really tiring year on a whole, and that there are just so many things from last year that I wish continued, I don't know. On a whole I've just been really like dead this year la. 10 more months to make this year count? Don't know.

Today, Loui told me about one of her seniors whom she was really inspired by because she was so happy and like everyone could see God's grace shining through her. I think that's really exemplary, and it's also really great, and yuuup its so nice to have someone who's so in tune with God and with God like that. I really want to be that kind of person, someone whom others can see God's grace shining through and to really know how great He is.
But really, I have a long way to go. Hmmm.

Haven't talked to you in ages, or at least it feels like it has been forever. Do you ever miss me?

Mmm yup shall stop here I am feeling increasingly upset i'm gg to print chords for tomorrow and sleep. Thank God though, for the new people He has placed in my life, even though it won't ever ever ever be the same.

extremely loud and incredibly close

Today I watched an amazing movie.

Alright, admittedly, the movie was different from the book, well, of course, what would one expect from a movie adaptation of a book? But it was pretty good, they added in some things, took out others as well. Anyway, I'm looking through the EL&IC tumblr hashtag, so here are some photos I found.

If you were wondering what these photos are, they are all in the book (cool, right? I mean the entire concept of the book was really cool, what with the literary devices haahaaaa & the photos that Oskar took) 
1. Its a rly famous photo of this poor man falling out the window to his death. At the end of the book, the photos are arranged such that he is floating upwards. The book ended with the line: "we would have been safe." / 2. The key Oskar found. The entire story centered around him finding the lock to this key, which he believed would lead him to his father. / 3. The story of this lady at the Empire State Building. Her boyfriend/husband (i forgot which) would carry a super powered spotlight and walk the streets of New York w it so she could see this beam of light from the Empire State Building. (': / 4. I think this was from when he visited Coney Islands. 

I think loss is something we can all relate to. This movie is centered around loss, the loss of one who you hold extremely close to your heart. It was really really heartwarming. Towards the end of the movie, the last half an hour or so, I was crying and crying and I couldn't stop because it was soooo sad.

I think the only thing this movie was lacking was the story of the Renter (his grandfather), his grandmother and Anna (like if you didn't read the book you wouldn't know who Anna is but anyway his grand aunt, his grandmother's sister) because it'd be much clearer as to how Oskar found out that the Renter = his grandfather. I thought that bit was really really reaaaally sad )': the house and the autobiography and the nothing and something places and everyone dying and how he burned his hand because he was looking for Anna only to find her house burning I was like )'''': 

My father died at 9/11. After he died, I wouldn’t go into his room for a year because it was too hard and always made me want to cry. But one day, I had completely heavy boots, and I went into his room anyway. I missed doing tae kwon do with him because it made me laugh. But I went into his closet where his clothes and stuff were. I reached up to get his old camera… (incomprehensible jumble)… Dropped down about a hundred stairs and I broke a Bouvet(sp?) Inside was an envelope with black written on it. And I knew that dad had left something, somewhere for me, that the key opened and I had to find. So i take it to walt, the locksmith, I get from Stan the doorman, who tells me keys can open anything….. For all the five boroughs… I count there are 472 people with the last name black, there are 216 different addresses. Some of the Blacks live together, obviously. I calculated that if I go to 2 every saturday, plus holidays, minus my hamlet school play, Minerals… comics… It’s gonna take me about 3 years to go through all of them. But that’s what I’m gonna do. Go to every single person named Black and find out what the key fits and what dad needed me to find.

I divide the people by zones… and I really had to tell my mother another lie, because she wouldn’t understand how I needed to go out and find what the key fit, that would help me make sense of things that don’t make sense like him being killed in the building by people who didn’t even know him at all.

And I see some people who don’t speak english or are hiding in a room with parakeets…. Hizelle Black who’s all prayered up and spoke to God. If she spoke to God, how come she didn’t tell him not to kill her son?…. Enough to let people fly planes into buildings and maybe she spoke to a different god than them.

And I meet a man, who’s a woman, who’s a man, a woman all at the same time, and I didn’t want near her, because she-he scared me, because she-he was so different. I’ve always still wondered if she had a VG or a penis, but does it matter?

And I see Mr. Black, who hasn’t heard a sound in 24 years, which I could understand, because I miss dad’s voice that much. Like when he would say, “Are you up yet?” or “Let’s go do something.”

And I see the twin brothers who paint together. And there’s a shed, and it just has to be a…. it’s just a shed! And Astrid Black, who does the same drawing of the same person over and over and over again. And Boris Black, the doorman, who was once a schoolteacher in Russia, but now says his brain is dying.

Or Amos Black, who has a coin collection, but doesn’t have enough money to eat every day. Or Alan Black, who has a view of Gramercy(sp?) Park, but not a key to it. Which is worse than looking at a brick wall. And I feel like I’m looking at a brick wall, because I tried the key in 148 different places, but the key didn’t fit, and open anything… what dad needed me to find so I know without him everything is going to be alright.

And I still feel scared everytime I go into a strange place. I’m so scared I have to hold myself around my waist, or I think I’ll just break all apart, but I never forget what I heard him tell mom about the sixth borough. That if things were easy to find, they wouldn’t be worth finding.

And I’m still scared everytime I leave home, everytime I hear a door open, and I don’t know a single thing that I didn’t know when I started. Except I miss my dad more than ever, even though the point was to stop missing him at all.

It hurts too much. Sometimes I think I might do something really bad.

I loved it I will watch it again. It is so so so so so so so sad.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Hellooooo world, I am finally back!

What I should be doing:
Studying for my SEA paper on Monday, I have yet to cover the rule of the colonial powers, namely the French & the Dutch in Vietnam and the Dutch East Indies, respectively

What I am doing:
Going around Singapore randomly (when you press go, they drop you off at any random location in Singapore) on ITS REALLY QUITE FUN HAHA navigating expressways and different neighbourhoods (I have travelled on the PIE, and in Tampines, and in Pasir Ris, they should really stop dropping me off in the East of Singapore, I have no idea how to get anywhere HAHA)
OH YES THEY DROPPED ME OFF OUTSIDE THE ESPLANADE YAY YAY YAY *explores* Why I find immense joy in this, I do not know. So rn, I'm making my way from the Esplanade to my church :3

Also, I am watching clips from Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, HAHA. I can't wait to watch the movie next Wednesday, tbh :3 I really really really really have developed an immense love for the book, so I hope the movie doesn't disappoint me (movies hardly disappoint me, hahaha, so I'm quite alright! Yes!)

Anyway, halfway through commons, and this week has passed by pretty quickly, which I'm really thankful about, I mean, i really don't like to go to school, apart from seeing mah friends and learning things anymore. Heh. Haven't blogged since foreeeverrrr, and yes this will be nearly it for now, until I'm done with EOYs anyway.

Can't say things have improved drastically, but this week has been better. I don't know, I don't find myself slipping into emotional lows as often as I have the previous few weeks, so I presume that is good? I have no idea how this year will turn out, still. March is jam packed with activities, and I am a quite looking forward because most of them implies spending more time with the SLs, whom I love dearly. (':

Aiyaaaaa. Still a little confused. But better?

Saturday, February 18, 2012

To wake myself up, I'm gg to blog about today! I'm blogging on tumblr more than I am on my poor blogger because it's much easier for me to post with my tumblr app on my phone. Okay anywaaay, today was a good day, the best one I've had in ages. One of the best at least.

Woke up at 6.45, got excited for auditions! Haha, it's not everyday you get to sit in to watch auditions (heehee NATIONAL DAY 2011). Okay so anyway, got ready and left the house for school! Actually got to school quite early and hung out in the trellis playing Scramble with Friends ok haha I'm quite lame anyway YES sat there and waited for people to arrive. Slowly but surely they did! Nat, Gabrielle, Desiree, Clarissa, Anjali, Bern (with a hugeass box of REALLY GOOD brownies, our sustenance for the morning), Aaarti, etc etc etc. 

We all had a general briefing before going into the Audi for our duties! Yup so the second day of auditions began, after we double checked the sound system and sorted out the equipments on stage, we were ready to go! The judges filled in and auditions began. 

The bands today were really good! Most of them, at the very least. It was really heartening to see them having the courage and the love to participate for Bandage, and helping out St Luke's! Yup, really enjoyed the time at auditions, from exaggeratedly mouthing all the words of the songs in the sound room with Anjali and Cordi, to communicating with Bern (who was in the area diagonally below the sound room, ah, you'll know the layout if you've been in the MG audi) via her typing things onto PPT slides on her Mac (hahaha the messages were quite hilarious! Had a good time), the judges gushing over Kboys HAHAHHA. Ate brownies in the control room sneakily HAHAHAH, All in all it was a really good time, 

I LOVE BANDAGE #rhythmoflove #beatofrecovery <3 (': I'm so so so glad for the opportunity to be in the comm, since I swoped with Kristin. 

Left school after Tessa's church's youth band performed, followed Huilin's directions and got to church in the pouring rain! (I was freeeeezing in the bus) 

Lunch with the worship band (': walked to Hwanam with Jess my dearest hamster prince and told her some stuff. Heehee. And it really meant a lot to me hahaha. So glad that we were placed in the same group at Camp LOL (': 

Anyway, when we were crossing the road: *Jess takes my hand* "Little girl needs to hold mummy's hand" *judges when to cross* HAHHAAH awww. Total mamaprince. My mama + my prince NO  JOKE HAHA

Good lunch w the worship band except for the really awkward part when Tianyi got RJ and I to sing the MG school song because it apparently harmonizes with the AC one LOL. But otherwise, good good ('; back at church, studied (SORT OF LA I CAN NEVERRR STUDY WITH BELLA) with Bella. Ended up teaching her Kinematics and plaiting her hair HAHA.

Worship was really good although I was so so so tired hehehe. Need to pray for a HUNGER FOR GOD!!!! (': Ya but I could sense God speaking to me about something important today, hmmmm. 

Anyway, CG! It was really nice to have the army boys back and sharing their NS stories hehehe (': RYANNY IS BALDY BALDY AND TANNY WANNY. So's YONGXIANG HEHEHEE. AIYAH they're so funny, really! Haha! Today's study was on integrity, and I guess it was a really hard study to do in terms of how we're gg to apply it to our lives. I mean like in cases when one's integrity is really tested. Hmmm, shall be thinking about that! 

Yup! So that was my nice Saturday (': gg to go do more bio now, I hope I don't fall asleep )'; I love Saturdays soooooooo much. 

Saturday, February 4, 2012


Do you know how much I miss you? Nah. 


I shall blog about today because today is easily the best day in the entire week (the rest of the week kind of sucked la I hate how tiring school is grrrrrrrrrr) Aiya school is so tiring really, what's the point anymore. This year sucks. But its important. That does not mean it doesn't suck so bad though. Its only the second month and I hate it so bad already.

Enough negativity. Got to church after lunch, just as the worship band was about to go for lunch ~ So yup I just tagged along LOL. Sat w my Hamster prince yayz (: (HAHAHA "Slay the dragon!!") She used my phone to instagram (YAY JESS YOU FINALLY KNOW HOW TO HAHAHA) Bella & Linx wearing matching purple shirts LOLLLL. It was quite fun hahaha I love my churchies they're such nice people (: Hamster Prince paid for my milo YAY thanks luv youuu ^___^

Got back to church, the rest went for prayer meeting whilst I "studied" with Bella outside on the big table HAHA she has the Chinese TYS and the Nov Os paper that we did last year was inside! I feel old. HAHA. Yup listened to some songs as well, did a few differentiation questions, yuuuup. Went up after that, watched the worship band prac + scrolled through tumblr. At that point I was feeling very ............ but yup worship started soon after.

I think worship today was really powerful, like I could really feel God's presence. Like really really realllly. And honestly I think He was trying to tell me something. Like through all the songs that we sang I was quite reassured of God's promises and I felt a little better. I mean, I think I just have to surrender everything to God and He'll make it better because He's awesome like that. But yeah I just pray that I'll have my eyes fixed on God in the week ahead, even though its really really hard sometimes and yeah.

When I feel that I have nothing left to live for, I pray that I will remember that I am living for Him.

CG was good! Hahaha! I'm so glad the Queenstown boys are participating and stuff in bible study and its really heartening to see how God has moved in our CG <3. Missed Ryanny + Yongxiang though ): But yup it was good nonetheless, first time Matthew Hooi led! :-) Yay!

Okay so yuuuup. I can't help but feel like I am living for Saturdays. I don't know laaa. I really don't anymore and I really don't know who to turn to anymore. Isn't it easier if I just don't open up anymore? Sighz.