pro(in the middle of)mos

here are some photos i thought i should post 

after an early ippudo dinner from ages ago with stace & liz / colour run shirt after 4 hours of queuing / chinese family dinner with the best classmates bliss to the maximum / farewell party for manda / sending manda off / sending grace off / kathy's baptism / sparklers on longest / mgmgmgmg / impromptu dinner + celebrating stacy's birthday / pw group after 2 hours of giving out surveys / food & promos 

in the midst of promos right now, just had our gp + lit papers over the last two days, so we're left with BCM. Ahhhh i really need to do well for BCM - absolutely no motivation or drive to do any work today (we ended our lit paper at 5pm i've done nothing productive all day) But it feels good :----)
need to get my productivity on tomorrow in school yes that's right let's go

Haven't blogged in about 1.5 months, but JC's been sucking me dry. (The novelty of going to a new school has finally worn off - and in its place, a strong sense of homesickness and nostalgia. You only hate the road when you're missing home.) What with PW deadlines to meet, promos in 3 weeks - 19 chapters of bio, 9 chapters of math (enough to kill me - have I mentioned I really really suck at math) the most daunting of all - and SIGH.

Sigh.

But if there's anything I've learnt the past few weeks (the past week, most prominently of all), after sending so many people off, and after so much has happened, has been said and has been done, it's that the value of your relationships with the people you love far supersedes the importance (or, in the long run, the possible lack thereof) of your grades.

Sent Amanda off with the classmates a few weeks ago, it was an emotional time at the airport, and we got into a bit of trouble getting back to school late, but nothing would compare to getting to say a proper goodbye and going full-on micelle mode at 8AM in the airport (and then having breakfast HAHA). Take care dear, we miss you in class.
Grace left for Cheltenham on Friday morning (her flight was at 2AM, to be precise). Took the longest train ride of my life from Bukit Batok to Changi Airport (two opposite ends of the island + I hate taking the MRT, it was surprisingly crowded at 11PM) to see her off. MY DEDICATION. But it was nice to get to see her off, this goodbye less emotional than Amanda's because Grace isn't migrating HAHA and she'll be back pretty soon. But I miss you already, you idiot. It's kind of like you never left because there's still whatsapp and everything, in spite of the outrageous physical distance, but I still miss your bodily presence. HAHA. I love you long distance, doob.
The whole of Wednesday afternoon and most of Friday (I didn't go to school after sending Grace off mmmm HAHA) was spent in MG with Mrs Lau, and wow I mean I was supposed to be studying but I don't regret how I spent those two afternoons at all, I felt more purpose and meaning to doing those things as compared to like mugging reaction kinetics or the equivalent. Above all, I am very thankful, because for all the times we've fallen out or grew apart, everything somehow manages to fall back into place in the end, definitely someone I'll treasure for a long time :----) thank you for everything, i love you. (also I watched an abortion video like a legit abortion video cuz Mrs Lau was conducting sex ed and i went to watch her conduct said sex ed it was scarring just thought i should mention that)

to my dearest sec 4s, don't give up. keep holding on, cherish your last days in mg. Os may seem ultra daunting, but it's one of the best times you're gonna have (trust me, you're definitely going to miss it when you go up to JC, and you look back on your secondary school days). can't believe i've seen some of you grow up since sec 2 aaaahhh :") can't wait to see all of them on wednesday (although I walked into the lit and history prelim paper going through venues on friday lol lol lol awkward times with edlyn)

I haven't done my math tut. but ah well the night is still young (loljk i'm going to bed soon it's like 1)
x

homecoming

I can't not blog about today, can I? 

Today marks the 126th year of MG. Four (or five, or rather, four and a half years ago), I wouldn't have imagined ever coming to MG. I never really considered this school, until after PSLE results and all and I just went with wherever my score would take me. And looking back, I know for sure that God's been working in my life and taking me to where He wants me to be. He wanted me to be happy, He wanted me to grow in His love, His word, He wanted me to experience the full extent the love and the care of the angels He had planned to place in my life, and that's why He put me in MG.

"You came to us as a child,

Now the time has come for you

to go out into the world on your own.

There is little more that we can give you

except for good wishes and our

confidence in your future.

Remember always to Master yourself,

To seek to grow in Love,

Knowledge and Compassion,

And to Serve God, and all will be well.

We are proud of you.

Godspeed." 

Just about the saddest certificate I've read in my entire life, filled to the brim with sincerity and best wishes. I wonder who wrote this. 

I started the year (right) by helping out with Sec 1 Orientation, and I felt so happy whenever I saw the Sec 1 girls because I was so excited for them, because they had the next four years in front of them to grow up in the place I have come to know as home - one of the best places on earth. I did come into MG as a child, and I regret the choice to fill my first 1.5 years up with dislike. If you told my Sec 1 self now that I would grow to love this place as much as I did, as much as I do, I would probably laugh it off because I was so bitter in sec 1 for being in a girls' school/not getting into my first-choice school HAHA. 

But I grew so much in MG. I really, really did, and I wouldn't be half the person I am now if it weren't for the people I've met there. I really wouldn't. 

It was my pleasure to have been an SL, to have served the school. It only made me love MG even more, it helped me to forge relationships with my a-m-a-z-i-n-g juniors (I love those cuties soooo much). It helped me to grow into my responsibilities, to really be able to know what servant leadership encompassed. P1 Picnic, RYC 2011, ND 2011, LTC 2011, Pink of Health 2012, Bandage 4, Longest Day 2012. I loved the experience, and I loved the people I met along the way. 

I am so proud to be able to call myself an MG girl, to belong to this family, I couldn't ask for more.

reunited with these two girls today, I miss spending every single day with them. It was so good to see them this morning.

(such is the burden of having my school in bishan while the a large majority of my friends are at Dover Road HAHA.)

I miss stumbling into class laughing, everyday after recess with these two. Staring at megan as she picks at her vegetables during recess, idling around in between classes. I even miss that newspaper cut out of Andrew Garfield on the wall at the back of the class HAHA. You two are my sunshines, and upper sec wouldn't have been half as fun or half as crazy without the two of you by my side. I love my boobasses, with all my heart, and I only wish I could see you two more often. 

love u girrrrrls (this is an inappropriate representation of our heights I changed into flats already + I was probably bending forward a little YA PLS I AM NOT THAT SHORT HAHA)

Really so thankful for this bunch too. CIRCA 2010 still going strong, thank you guys for our mega long meal dates. How we can sit down and re-evaluate our lives and talk about q a bit of things. You guys are beautiful, don't let nothing get you down. 

Words cannot aptly express how much I love my mg teachers. 

These people have never judged me, and are always there to listen to me complain and rant. They are the best role models - they never gave up on us, the exercised utmost patience even when we were at our worst, they gave us their time, their sleep, and their love. 

Nic said that Mrs Ng was sitting beside their class during the service, and she clapped extra loud for every single one of her history students that went up on that stage, received their scrolls, took their bows. Jiayi reminded me today of how, when half of the EE group had fallen sick and we needed doctors and medication and all, Mrs Ng went around the hotel and fed every last one of us our medicine at 2AM in the morning, and went out with the healthy group for the Prague tour the next day. She prayed for us, through everything, and taught us that life was much more than grades and history, but that life was about loving God and going with His will. 

Mrs Lau has been there for me for as long as it mattered. And I thank God for her, for how she picks up the phone/replies my texts when I need her advice or when I was upset. Four years, and I couldn't be more grateful, because she taught me how to look at things from different perspectives, seems to always be able to guess what's up before I actually tell her, and showed me love and lack of judgement when I needed it the most. The sweetest, coolest adult I know :-) 

And I could go on forever about how Ms Kek is amazing because she always seems to be able to juggle so much, so well, how she's so sweet to every single one of us; or how Ms Koh always ensures that we are fed HAHA, and how she's always teaching us cool new things, and always caring for us; or how Mrs Choo has listened to me whine about everything under the sun for the whole of my sec 4 year, it's always so heartening to know how easy it is for me to talk to her about stuff; Mrs Loh for being my very first form teacher in mg, I'll always remember how sweet she was to me in sec 1, and how sweet she still is to me now, I loved helping her/spending time with her during OC this year; and I could go on and on but I'd still be driving at the same point - that MG teachers are one of a kind, that they're nonjudgmental, amazing friends to each and every single one of us. 

I miss them so much, they're literally the best teachers in the world and I'm so glad to be able to call them my teachers, my family. 

THE CRU aka the coolest kids around whaddupdupdup. 

I AM FINALLY IN THE PHOTO HELLO dover vs bishan issue again

*i will update this with our photo with chou & ms ho very very soon*

I wouldn't have lived through mid years/prelims/Os without you three. We studied so hard together, freaked out together, laughed together, insulted each other and took turns taking naps or talked about our lives then and beyond MG when we really were supposed to be studying. You guys are wonderful study buddies, and I'm so blessed to have grown closer to each of you, to have you guys as support through tiring and trying times. I miss you guys and I miss our spot. I'm so glad to finally be reunited with all of you heehee, so much love for u guys :") 

so yes. as much as my time in mg is over, this chapter of my life closed, I know with utmost certainty that the bonds forged, the friends made and the relationships strengthened in my four years here will go a long, long way. And I'm so thankful because this place is crowded with angels - each a blessing in their own, special way, and filled to the brim with God's love and faithfulness. 

The debt I owe, the love I hold for MG will stretch on for a long time.

the walls start breathing / my mind's unweaving

maybe i'll pick up the habit of blogging regularly again. 

I hate the feeling I get at about 5 or 6 everyday, if I'm still in school, and I get so so so tired. Its like the sum total of the day's exhaustion dealt into that one hour. After 6 months, I finally get what they mean when they say that JC is just so tiring, and a lot more difficult to slog through as compared to secondary school. (took you long enough, edlyn) 

the highlight of today would probably be taking polaroids with mendu & jaz during lunch break, and the feeling of being so blessed by God.

I think I have a few people to be thankful for, and I haven't told them that enough. Maybe I haven't told them that at all, and that's so lousy of me. I love you guys, I really do, each and every single one of you, and maybe one day I'll get past my insecurities enough to say this to your face. But know that I really do appreciate everything. 

I wish I could give better advice, I'm so terrible at putting the right words into sentences

"i understand" - pretty much use this phrase a lot, but its either I don't understand at all, or I understand completely. (do you get what I mean)

june and beyond

on a lighter note,

my ticket back home along with the rest of the class of 2012 :-) 

as if it's not already perfect, 25th July 2013 happens to be a Thursday - ie 3 hour long bio 4.10pm day THANK U MG. 

best ops team @ gales opening dinner/being awkwurd bunniez lol i love u guys - all the lateral thinking questions/scary stories backstage

best company, 've known this boy for the whole of about 3 weeks but i'm more than thankful.

from jiayi my sweetie - nothing that scares me into studying like the thought of edna mode ahahaha. 

junheng & i finished the pack while studying/watching wongfu

managed to find a day to have dinner with ALL my girls (us & our usual camwhore session in sogurt there weren't many people there at 9pm anyway so it was all good)

jap food + sogurt + major catching up session i love u guys thank u it was wonderful seeing all of you again, till next time. :")

mah study buddies last year i miss writing poems about/for qi HAHA

missed these girls aaaaaaah 

holding and squeezing each others' hands like a pumping heart HAHA/folding origami during lessons with keren (probably the best thing that came out of magsim's communist reign was that keren got placed behind me in our sad little single rows); being classchairs tgt/going crazy with andreawong; char the best deskmate leading up to Os, i miss talking to her & pittas my two mature & wise friends :"( 

5(years and for)ever and ever i love u. here's to many more years of nonsense together

red bowl lunch last week the day before my chem paper with gracey :") I miss u MG food I have taken small portions for granted for 4 years.

visiting p often, july has always been a hapz month in mg

post CTs island creamery with some of the classmates and shared this amazing mudpie with leemz hehehehe yum let me eat u again

ok bye time to watch eternal sunshine of the spotless mind hola
x

fight

haven't blogged in about a month - haven't blogged in prose for the longest time. Maybe I'll start now, might as well.
The past week was draining, sitting for our first formal exam in our two years of JC.
Step into the hall feeling a little hesitant, anticipating the end before even beginning, gauging my personal level of unpreparedness. Fiddled around with my windbreaker, bit my fingers, shuffled some paper. Step out of the hall, and realize that you know, or are able to apply, much less than you thought you would be able to, a sigh - of relief and of resign.
Regardless, it's over and I'm tired. Thankful (hopefully), but tired.

opened up some old wounds, coupled with a few recurring questions.
it was always about how you felt, never about how i did. what you thought was right, what you thought should be done, what you thought would be best. when you spend months throwing the same questions at the person for a variety of circumstances, an array of obstacles, you have no reason, or right, to question that decision.
okay, thank you, what a wise choice, goodbye.
but what resulted was a tiring cycle of apart, together, apart, together. when a wave of realization hits you, you cling on again. when this waves subsides, the next wave will urge you to pick everything up, run, let go. round and round and round we go, and i'm tired of accommodating your fancies. if it doesn't tire you out, it makes me exhausted, and i'm still waiting for the closure i doubt i will ever get.

grow up and make better decisions.
think, think. you can't go through your life shrugging your shoulders, looking away. make smarter, better choices. think, think.
how can you tell people not to bear any regrets, when you're drowning in a sea of your own.
how many times do i have to remind myself to get my priorities straight.
grow up, think.

are you getting tired of me yet?
i'm sorry, i didn't mean to
i love you.

quarter

I'm a quarter done with my JC life, more or less, and I don't know how I feel about it exactly. JC's been good, and although at times I doubt my decision to go to RJ (and not going back to the AC family instead), I realise how blessed I am to have met my new friends and classmates and acquaintances.

so here is what happened on the last day of school/friday

ROCK OUT 2013 - it was such an experience. I've never been to an actual concert before, and this was a pretty dang good eye-opener. Moshed like crazy, I was initially sandwiched between loads of tall guys (disadvantage of being a short person) but my classmates were lovely anyway, and they tried to move us shorter people in front so we could see without straining our necks :") After the intermission, went to look for mendu. She had a really really good spot right in front of the stage, no obstructions!!!! And it was a dang good time just dancing, jumping, and singing along at the top of our voices.
The lighting was amazing as well. AMAZING TIME IN GENERAL.

Back to MG in the late morning to afternoon, to indulge ourselves in familiar faces and the warm fuzzy feeling we always get when we go back home to MG. I know I've said this a million times, but MG will always be home, my family will always be there. Can't imagine a life without my batchies/juniors/teachers, they've always been there for me in my four years in MG - and they continue to be even as I have left.
MG's shaped the person I am today, whether it is because of the lessons imparted by the people I have met, or the values inculcated in me through the school culture - I wouldn't be half the person I am today if I weren't an MG girl.
Yup. Sort of helped out at Sec 1 CIP, they brought cute little nursery & kindy kids in, after which we sat in an LTC training session for a bit. (PBSL CAMP HERE WE COME) Always good to be home, where I know I'm wanted HAHA. I like doing favours for my teachers, because they've done so much for us anyway.

Presenting you my gorjuz classmates

Lady Windemere's Fan with the classmates! (funny photos taken from Leemz's camera) had a really good night watching the production and going around with my classmates and taking pictures. The production was really well put up, and yeah it was a really good night in general :----))) don't regret giving LTC finale night a miss for this, even though half of my heart wanted to be at LWF and the other half wanted to stay for LTC. 

Finally, I'm so proud of this boy heehee LORD WINDEMERE, I know it wasn't an easy task at all, and you did a dang amazing job. One of my best friends/best big brother ever given such a short time, thank you for always having my back, I'll always have yours :') so, so, so blessed.

Goodnight, I need to spend my june holidays studying for CTs.
I NEED TO HAVE A LIFE TOO.